I've been on a bit of a hiatus, haven't I? It certainly wasn't intentional; I guess just after I posted my Thanksgiving blog, I went into a bit of a funk. Insomina took over and although I had plenty of empty hours to write, I just didn't have the motivation.
I've never been quite the sleeper. I'm a morning person and night owl, all rolled into one. But when I became a mom, the insomnia really took over, and I can't even blame it on motherhood. As a newborn, my son was a great sleeper. He put himself on a schedule and slept through the night at six weeks. I was lucky, but I guess that lack of sleep was a consequence of the responsibilities of parenthood more than the actual physicality of it all.
I enjoy my quiet evenings after both my husband and son have fallen asleep. We all know as mothers, whether you're a stay-at-home or working mom, we have little time for ourselves. The spare moments we do find in a day, are quickly filled with things that need to get done. Nap times are spent cleaning, doing laundry or making dinner (okay, I'm not much of a cleaner, so that's not my excuse).
We trade in getting our nails done to finger-painting, lunches with girlfriends to playdates at the park, and nights out at movies to story telling at bedtime. So it's the moments, after the house is quiet, that I can sit down and find the time for me.
Unfortunately, this is also precisely the time my mind goes into overtime and I become preoccupied with thoughts; Where are we? How will I do this? Where will we live? How long will we be here? When can I go home? Why can't Brooke get a job in the states? How do I help Braden adjust? How can I be a better parent? What am I doing? What should I be doing instead?
We've probably all been there; you've watched the clock for the third time in ten minutes. It's just past two in the morning and you start calculating how many hours of sleep you can still get before you have to get up in the morning. You've tried meditating, reading, giving up coffee... yet sleep still won't come easily to you. So what do you do?
... because I can't figure it out as I sit blogging at ten past two in the morning...